FEAR
{From a young mother’s blog}
~Jennifer Heemskerk
It’s been two years since our family went through one of the biggest trials we have ever faced. A father’s greatest fear is usually that he won’t be able to provide for his family. A mom’s greatest fear is typically that something will happen to one of her children. Fear is a funny thing. It sometimes provides healthy caution, but more times than not it seems to produce undue stress and anxiety regarding things over which we have little to no control.
As a mother of four small children, my mind is constantly on the go, where my kids are concerned. Most things are small, everyday concerns, such as: Did they brush their teeth? Are they cold? Are they wearing matching socks? Does their hair look presentable to leave the house? Did they have enough for breakfast? Did they do their homework? But then I have flashes of fear that pierce my heart, and make my pulse quicken. Mostly this happens when I hear of bad things happening to other children. (why do I watch the news? *sigh* I think this is why I am so mentally spent by the end of the day.
The Bible has a lot to say about fear. I remember, when I was a teenager, my pastor spoke on fear. And I remember him stating that in the Bible it says; “do not fear” (or the equivalent to that) about 365 times. Interestingly enough, that’s a good reminder for each day of the year! I’m not sure why that little tid-bit stuck with me- but it did. And since then, I have found many verses that have encouraged me, when I am feeling fearful. Here are some of my favorites.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One ofIsrael, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:1-3)
I do not write on the topic of fear lightly. Two years ago, fear became a reality, when our youngest child was delivered at 32 1/2 weeks by emergency C-section. When she was born, it took her 10 minutes to breathe on her own and another 51/2 weeks in N.I.C.U to be big enough and strong enough to come home. During that time, my minutes, hours, and my days were filled with fear. Fear of losing our precious little princess. Fear that she would have long term consequences because of her early birth. Fear of further complications…future medical procedures and the list went on and on and on.
During the first day or two, it didn’t look good- our baby was not well. Sitting by her isolette, I watched as her stats moved from the “normal” range and periodically drop to the range where alarm bells would pierce my ears and heart…The worst was not being able to hold my sweet baby. I felt completely helpless, and all the while, my soul screamed to God, “Please, don’t take her.” How do you tell a lifetime of dreams all wrapped up in one child goodbye? As I prayed, I heard a gentle whisper in my heart; “Whose child is she really?” My heart knew she was God’s. She was God’s child, He had created her….but my voice kept repeating, “she’s mine, she’s my little girl.” Through my tears, and knowing full-well the answer in my heart, I finally answered; “She’s yours.”
In my exhaustion, I mentally lifted up our daughter and released her to God. The thought of losing her was the darkest time in my life, but I also knew that my life would become even darker if I walked away from God. My husband gently led me to pray when I couldn’t face reality on my own. We prayed against the “what if’s” and even though fear was trying it’s best to paralyze us, we took refuge in the Lord and He gave us the strength we needed to get through the tough times.
In the end, God’s answer was to leave her with us. But the lesson I learned through our daughter’s early birth will stay with me forever. When I fear for my children, I have to go back to that N.I.C.U and lift my children up to God.
Yes, I ask for them to be kept safe.
Yes, I believe in the power and provision of prayer.
But, I also have to realize that not by my worries, and certainly not by my fears can I control my children’s safety. I need to trust God.
To help me trust more, I lean on the little encouragements in His word. As scripture tells us; “The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1) I have learned, that Satan uses fear to distract us from accomplishing God’s purpose. Through Evelyn’s birth, God taught me (and is still teaching me) that when fear threatens to invade my life, my reaction should not be to fear but instead, to turn to God. 
This weekend, our family will be celebrating Evelyn’s 2nd birthday! The Lord has done great things and we are filled with joy!
